The Chancellor's English!! (The revenge over the British)

The Indians are taking revenge over the British. If it was the culture and the traditions that the British had exploited, the Indian’s point of attack is the English language itself.

We had got abbreviations for most of the words, phrases and solutions. We even shorten them further. It has become difficult to distinguish what is what on seeing an abbreviated SMS.

For example “WTF” can be,
“Welcome To Facebook”, “Where To Find?” or “What The F***!”
Even though it’s very popular as the 3^rd usage, there is no compulsion that it should mean that. The text messaging technology had played a vital role in changing the skeleton and structure of the language.

‘I vl tlk2u ltr’, ‘Gud Ni8’, ‘Gud Mrng’, etc. had replaced the words and phrases in our dictionaries.

It’s not just lexically that the language is influenced. Its conversations had also lost its grammatical beauty. The language is often pronounced in an erroneous way and its phonetic beauty is lost. It’s common about the mallus to pronounce ‘circuit’ as “SIR CUTE!!”.

A moderately literate man from Kerala had once said “I married the cow”. He really wanted to say that he had tied the cow. In the local dialect Malayalam, ‘kettuka’ means ‘to marry’ as well as ‘to tie’. The ignorance of the man about the language is the fun here.

But the strong knowledge in the language is not necessary at all for the people living in this decade. I would like to prove this fact through a quintessential incident. It’s the speech of the chancellor of the Sathyabama University that I attach here. I have not altered a word or phrase. He spoke this in a function in which the playback singer K.S.Chithra was awarded the honorary doctorate. On the same day he was honored with the honorary Colonel rank by the Army. Enjoy the fun in the speech of the chancellor.

Respected today guests,

Everybody to know popular singer in the world. Sathyabama University proudly disjoy the honorary doctorate today.

So already fix the date. 12th May. She unable to attend the function at the day. More than 10000 people to gathered for the doctorate function. More than 5000 people award the undergratuate and postgratuate and scholar received the degrees. So many scientists also arrived at the day. But at the day she couldn't attend the function. Some important function already attending. So today, the supplementary doctorate we give the our chief guest today. Dear friends, in Sathyabama University, world wide recognised university, almost all the important people, the recieving the honorary doctorates for this university. The university also very proud. So important people come over here to recieve their honorary doctorates for our university. As well as the recieving reception also too proud. This I am awarding for the honorary doctor this Sathyabama University. We promote morers everybody to come out except politicians. I invite only for the enabled people. Scientists, educationalists, artists. They are all come over here. Today, so many years I admire about the song. Everyday, in Tamilnadu and also in Kerala, in Telugu, Kannada and Andhra and Hindi. They are all famous sinker the India recognised. And the world wise also to recognise. But today, in Sathyabama to honor for honorary doctorate today. Dear friends, once again remembrance day today for our Sathyabama because she arrived here. The lanmark of Sathyabama life, so many disicison area names to write it in the board. Today, her name also to write at Sathyabama.

Today is important day because I not recieve any honorary post anyway now so far. But I am a doctorate in Anna university. I am a scholar. But today, so many honor the people come to forward. But I am not willing to recieving. But today, the Army people come forward recrute the honorary Colonel Jeppiar. Today the accepting is punctually forward, the next function I recieving the honorary Colonel post in the army. Army, Air force and Naval, 3 people join together to give the honorary colonel post. I recieve today 2:30 in city. That's why I say, today this function, it's important function, both function. She will come over here. Everybody happy, because it's singing the song everywhere. Night time, day time, morning time. Switch on the radio, TV, she will appear. So Sathyabama also join with you to appear for the singing.

Dear friends, an important news! Our satelite, our students' 3rd year, 4th year students ready making the satellite. Sathyabama satellite. Launching this September. Everything ready for the clean room. Next week the ISRO people come over here. They testing the Sathyabama satellite monitoring the pollution and nano in all the season available in Sathyabama. Almost all the company come over here, everyday to data collection, that is monitoring the pollution and nano for satellite Sathyabama. A very talented two hundred Sathyabama 3rd year and 4th year students very particularly satelite launching in Sathyabama. That's a lanmark. So dear friends, today my companions, wherever go, I tell, guest is very important and I also thank the Lakshman for come over here. He is a good co-ordinator. I give the biodata, I got the, our guest today. A very good biodata. Not ordinary. And I come across how she became a singer. Traditionally, the father is a guru. Her father is a guru. Then he, a graduate of the music. Everything biodata is read it. So once again, I congratulate all the common member of our chief guest and also to the guests. Thank you.

I hope that you should have understood all that he had said. But the way he speaks things is the fun here.

It's a BOY or GIRL ???

Me, along with a few friends of mine (ofcourse, there were girls) had gone for a personality development class. (PD class)

We all (including those descendants of eve [I meant those galz..] - the girls) were dressed in Jeans and T-shirts!!

We had a formal procedure of filling up a biodata-form.. There was a field called 'Introduction about yourself' in that and we were asked to fill up our personal information.. (I mean , like marital status.)

Me and my friends just scribbled something upon it, but those girls did it with much perfection.. (They always do. Girls are just like that.. Kind of show off.. I dislike that taste.)

Hmm..
The key speaker collected those papers.. He just went through our papers.. but said nothing!!

He approached one of those girls and she gave him a manuscript of her biodata. (it doesn't make much difference from a print out).. He was just shocked on seeing it.. I was used with that expression and the comment that people usually say on seeing her handwriting..

"Your handwriting is damn good, maa.."

But this time, it wasn't the response and I was totally surprised by the comment that he had said..

He exclaimed..
"I.. I thought, you were a girl...!!"

For a few moments, I was't able to grasp what he had said..

She just retorted by asking, "What the hell do you mean?"

It's the girl's voice. (You know it. The shrill and sharp voice.. Eventhough it's annoying, at times, I like it!!). She should be a girl. Why did he say so? I too didn't feel that she was not a girl, while we were together.. (Don't take it in that bad sense.. I am not a bad boy.. I don't care even though you think so..)

Yeah... Back to the point, we were discussing...
The key speaker pointed his finger to that line, where it was written..

MARITAL STATUS: BACHELOR

Pointing to the word 'Bachelor', he exclaimed "Bachelor!!!"

Bachelor? What's there in it? There is no reason for her to be a spouse at such an early age.. And she is not.. Then what?? And what's wrong with the gender??

Then he explained
"Maa...
(I hate this. Tamil people always says this.. It's like how a cow brays, when it requires food!!)
"Maa, it's an unmarried man who is called as a bachelor.. If it's a woman, it'll be spinster.."

[Oh! I knew the word. I had forgotten it.. Yeah.. Yeah.. But, isn't that the word that we use for woman who are not married beyond the usual age of marriage..]

I doubted..
"Sir, is it a mistake? I think.."

He interrupted..
"Listen, my boy.. Today, this had happened.. If this is the way she continues to write, she'll be in trouble for sure.."

I humbly asked him for the reason, why he said so..

He explained..
"Yeah.. The reason is.. Think of a place where only ladies, I mean the ones who are not married are allowed. It would be up on the basis of the biodata that was submitted previously that the people are admitted.. In that case.. Think of it.. If they see 'Bachelor', they may immediately refuse it out of no reason for a rethinking in the expectation that it would be a boy.."

I asked.. (You know, I am very good in annoying people through doubts, comments etc.. Especially the ones who possess a high air..)
"Sir, will this happen??"

He gave me a glance from the side.. I understood what he had meant..

I just said..
"Sir still.... I think there is no point in your.."

Since he was not attending to my response, I stayed dumb..
And the girl, who had to suffer because of his remark, was extremely sad.. I felt like consoling her.. But why?? There is no reason for her to be ashamed. I don't think that she was wrong.

If you Google it, you will get about 3,080,000 results in 0.13 seconds.
Allmost all of them says, that a spinster means
     'a woman still unmarried beyond the usual age of marrying'..

Then, I find no point in writing 'spinster'.. She had not yet stepped into youth.. She is just 19..  She had not crossed the usual age of marrying under no circumstances..

I hope that, she should have Google'ed it like I did.
And if she is reading this blog, let me tell you,
(I am not revealing your name. Let my current girl friends take up that job.. :D)
"Please don't feel bad about the stupid remarks from someone. Let them speak.. But use your brain to think whether he was right. In this case, answer is a perfect "No" and so don't oblige to him by writing 'spinster' as he had said.."